I realized

Assalamualaikum and Hello there ! :) it's been so long since 2012 I think. Anyways, I decided to delete most of my previous post because..well it's quite old and I don't really want to show it anymore. TBH, It was very embarrassing ! >< so yeah..act I was thinking to deactivate this account but then I think again..not necessary for me to delete it actually :) I kinda need it somehow..well not really..ahh wtv..hey ! I'm 19 now :) yeah yeah I know it's kinda lame since it's April now..better too late than never right? :)

Why I come here? here's the thing..i dont know where else to express my feelings besides twitter and all those other social networks. I really want to express what I've been kept in my heart..

TBH, I'm kinda lonely here..really really lonely..it's not like I'm trying to say that I dont have any friends or something..I do have many friends and they are so wonderful..I do have my family by my side..always..but do you ever feel like sometimes you just wanted to be pampered by the ones you love? you just want their attention.. do you have that kind of feeling? well, I do ! 

I miss him :'( really I do miss him so much...he's in matriks now..in Kulim, Kedah..Far? yeah I know..I truly understand in matriks they really need to focus and study really hard to get good scores..So I give him time..he will end his study in end of this month..and  I really hope that we can meet..soon !! it's almost been 4 months since our last met in December 28th 2013..

Ever since he's busying with his studies..I put a lot of negative thoughts in my head..and of course in my heart too. I really dont know how to think positively.. and then my mom did give me a little bit of advice about relationship..it did snap me out..and slowly I realized that I never give any support to him..and always give him negative aura..no wonder our relationship kinda broke down a bit in a way..Anyways, this afternoon I send him a good luck card..it was random..I never thought of giving a good luck card to him..so I think it's good to start over..I hope it will reach to him safely  :') 

As I reached home, I took out his letter that he posted to me on September 1st 2013.. I almost cried..well I did act, a bit. After I read the letter..it really makes me miss him more..so much I couldnt tell ! lately I kinda feel a bit fed up with all what happened and then since my mom gave me her advice and I read the letter.. I realized myself that I act really miss him and still love him..there's not even a single hatred in my heart towards him..all this time it was my ego that controls me..and it really makes me feel regret for being so ego. 

I just hope he feels me and still have the same feeling as I do..as before and will never fade..now I really do have faith in him..I just hope it's not too late to change it :'(  I dont want to tweet about this because I know he's online and I dont want him to be interrupt by my tweets..all I hope is that he will do his best in his finals which is next Monday.. I believe he can do it ! :) and I will always pray for his best..

I will try to stop being so negative towards him and replace it with lots of love and faith..hopefully it's not too late and I really hope that he gets to feel me in his hearts saying I've change and I really do trust him more now..Amin, I miss you :'( so much.. I really really do ! I'll pray for you and for your future..and I will always pray for us..I couldnt bare to loose you..I mean it ! I want you to feel worth having me in your life..I will try my best to not let you feel waste of having me, sacrificed almost anything for me..I'm just waiting for you to finish your finals and I'm here for you..whatever happened between us, I consider it as a test for us from Him.. coz I know he knows the best for us.. Thanks for being so patient with me for 1 year 2 months sayang..I promise I will never give up on you as your willing to try hard on me as you usually do.. 

I WILL LOVE YOU AND FOREVER.......


 ~~INSYAALLAH~~